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January 31, 2004

The Meaning of Life 

Trying to speak about the ultimate reality is like sending a kiss through a messenger.

I have found the meaning of life

Idiom: hope against hope. To hope with little reason or justification. 

I remember so many times in my youth when I believed… you know, virgin belief, in, well anything really. I’m not talking about what one believes in, I am talking about how the belief is manifested. The pure innocence of it all, the pure ignorance? Both maybe.

What is it about hope that causes life to be worth something? People survive when they cling to hope, yet they really don’t recognize hope when things are going well, at least not I the same way. So is hope for the unhappy? Unlucky? Oppressed? What is hope?

1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

v. tr.
1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful.
2. To expect and desire.

1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
3. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
4. Often Hope Christianity The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
5. Archaic Trust; confidence.

Blog Change 

So the blog has a new look. It was a painful transition, but my bro saved the day… no more teal or pink.

Sick as a dog.  

Sinus infection, soar swollen throat and glands. Feel like poop, ruined my Friday night. Slept from 5 to 10pm. Looked at Avon stuff and watched traffic… what a life. I need help.

January 29, 2004

US Plans Offensive Vs Al-Qaida Inside Pakistan 

NEW YORK -(Dow Jones)- The Bush administration is preparing a U.S. military offensive that would reach inside Pakistan with the goal of destroying Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida network, the Chicago Tribune reported Wednesday, citing military sources.

The report said the administration is motivated by deep concern about recent assassination attempts against PakistanPresident Pervez Musharraf and a resurgence of Taliban forces in neighboring Afghanistan.


What our country needs in the next election: 

If you believe in the ideas and principles set fourth below, write the name TRAVIS HENDERSON on your ballet for President.

1. Someone who lives foreign policy and doesn’t have to make one up when he enters office.

2. A candidate who understands and embraces humanity not just a specific way of life.

3. A person who realizes that the budget is not a campaigning strategy…but something to be considered before making campaign promises.

4. Someone who will hold the UN to its charter not necessarily be the strong arm or the enforcer of UN mandates.

5. A person who will not take responsibility for the Israeli-Palestinian problem but who will make it known that it’s a world issue, and back the United Nations in the immediate disarming and regulating of each side until a properly representational government can be elected.

6. Someone who doesn’t play into the hands of those who would do our country harm.

7. Some one who has experienced more than two forms of Government, who realizes there is a world outside of our country that it is important enough to think about but not have to police.

8. A person who will not sacrifice freedoms in the name of security nor ignore the ever present threat of terrorism, and espionage.

9. Someone who believes the founding principles of our country and who fully realizes the role that the United States President now plays in the world.

10. A person who understands that it is time for the World Bank to oversee the food surplus of countries that produce too much food because of trade agreements, but at the same time cannot sell it to its own people who need it.

11. A person who will stop talking about technology and start even-handedly supporting the implementation of alternative energy sources, at the same time funding alternative economical strategies for phasing present energy sources out of our economy with little economic impact.

12. A person who will never use the term crusade for anything, and who does not look to appease or unevenly inflate any single religious lobby.

13. A person who has thrived in more then two cultures, and still understands and believes in the idea of America.

It is for these reasons I announce my candidacy for the Presidency. If you want peace, if you want security, if you want options, if you want to find understanding and logic within your government ranks, vote your conscience, vote for President Travis Henderson.


WAR IS NOT A VIDEO GAME... "DIE MOTHER FUCKER DIE". The motherfucker has a wife, a mother and six kids. Just a reminder.

Life is fragile we need to avoid war.

Thanks Dan and Joi for this harsh reminder

From where I stand I see
Pain suffering and misery

The more I see the more I see
The less the less I believe

From where I stand I see
Hate violence and war

The more I see the more I see
The less the less I believe

This Is My Prayer 

Hear me
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open

See me
And if my face becomes sincere

Hold me
And when I start to come undone
Stitch me together

Save me
And when you see me strut
remind me of what left this outlaw torn


Nothing Else Matters 

....Never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

...So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

January 28, 2004

Cross Eyed 

Long day of computer games, and web work. Nothing new on jobs... Back hurts like hell and my eyes hurt and aren’t focusing well. I haven’t shaved in a week and I have been wearing the same shirt for 4 days, and jeans since I left Germany. I should take a shower and stuff. The problem I haven’t unpacked anything, no room really.

All that is set up are my computers and printer; I sleep on the couch, and eat pizza. I have to join the YMCA soon. Or better yet get a job so I can afford to join the YMCA. I looked at my brothers photo collection from 1987-89, lots of MCS. Man we had no style back then.... no color coordination.

Tired now.

A Whale Exploded Today! 

A dead sperm whale has exploded while being delivered to a research centre near the southwestern city of Tainan. Passers-by and cars were soaked in blood and body parts were sprayed over a road after the bursting of the whale, which was being carried on a trailer.



January 27, 2004


BenBella editor Shanna Caughey describes Billy McCarthy's The Devil of Shakespeare (Feb.) as "a scathing commentary on the greed and deceit that characterize the culture of modern Hollywood celebrity." Dealing with McCarthy, aka "Billy Dior," drummer for the band D'Molls, "has been really fun for all of us—we've gotten a little taste of the rock 'n' roll life." Production was recently completed on the single "The Devil of Shakespeare," written by McCarthy and featuring members of Warrant, Styx and 20/20. BenBella will be packaging the CD single with the book.

When you speak you are not seeing. 

This infinite passage through violence is what is called history.

-Jacques Derrida

January 26, 2004

Short Listed 

So I was short listed for a kick ass job today… the bad part is it’s a lot less than what I would make in a normal (my kind of) job and it’s in London where every penny counts.

But I would LOVE to have it anyway. It would be an amazing transition to make with a big name organization. Wow. I am not sure what to think, I want it and I hate it when I really want something and it’s not in my control to have…. Expectations SUCK.


Have I mentioned I am in love? Well I am. Most wouldn’t understand. I have never met or experienced anything like this. It’s been worse then hell and better then Heaven, I wouldn’t give it up with out giving up on life. It’s a pain in my soul, it’s the real thing.

Jacques Derrida 

Tonight is Derrida movie night with Post-post

"Monsters cannot be announced.
One cannot say: 'here are our monsters',
without immediately turning the monsters into pets."

January 25, 2004



So I am Looking For A Job 

It’s not really much work since I just look around the internet and then send a resume to whatever I find. Real jobs don’t really work like that. I think if I ever had to get a real job I would have to like know people and talk to people and get favors and hook ups and shit.

But luckily in my line of work their just looking for someone with the right stuff that is stupid enough to go wherever they want to send you.

It’s not all that hard; sure the lonely seclusion of living in a tent or a shipping container for 3 or more month’s kind gets to you.. or maybe the grenades or terrorists might disturb you after a while. But when it comes down to it…. The money is good and I am miserable regardless of my employment status.

Either I have a problem with where I am and I am making shitloads of money, or I am relatively happy where I am but I can’t do anything because I am making no money.

So life is pretty much just a vicious circle of depression, post traumatic stress syndrome or depression. Did I say that out loud?

Eddie Izzard  

Tonight we rented and watched Eddie Izzard DVD’s. He is one funny guy. His cheek bones reminded me of Thomas, and some of his smiles… but I believe my friend Madonna from London would put Eddie out of business. Madonna my friend, it’s your calling, come make fun of Americans on stage in drag.. you will be rich and we Americans will think you are just SOOO funny. “Cute little funny transvestite boy”.

You can down load him here

Bobby "Blue" Bland  

Last night I went and saw the Bobby "Blue" Bland play at Antones in Austin, TX. They where awesome, I believe this could be one of his last few performances in his home ton as his health is worsening… but they played and sang as if they where 21. It was amazing. The place was crowded, drunk old white people dancing and singing with a few African Americans mixed into the crowed. It was quite a treat.

After the concert we proceeded down to 6th street and hit a couple clubs that sucked and almost beat up a naked drunk guy. I ate two peaces of heavy metal pizza and we got home safely.

January 23, 2004


Why would anyone EVER go off line out of choice? Well, ak this guy.

Land of the Free? 

Land of the free? Correct in justice?

US Muslims flex political muscle 

American Muslims could play a crucial part in deciding the outcome of this year's presidential election.

I sure hope so!

January 21, 2004

Leadership Is A Skill. Power Is A Gift. 

From TheyBlinked

On a global scale I say that anyone who wants to lead governments, the WTO, the UN or any other seat of power should be given the opportunity to do so for a prescribed period of time--half of which is spent without power, advising/mentoring their successor(s)--whom they had no undo influence in choosing. Anyone who wants to lead beyond the prescribed period of time should be given a half term in exchange for their life. Just kidding, but term limits need to mean something and the structures of oversight and revolution/continuity (yes, I am afraid both have structures) need to be evolved. Leadership is a skill. Power is a gift. The trust of the people the sustaining field of both.

Personality Disorder Test 

You should take this.

Depression & Mania 

Symptoms of Depression

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells

Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns

Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety

Pessimism, indifference

Loss of energy, persistent lethargy

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness

Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness

Inability to take pleasure in former interests, social withdrawal

Unexplained aches and pains

Recurring thoughts of death or suicide*

Symptoms of Mania

Heightened mood, exaggerated optimism and self confidence

Decreased need for sleep without experiencing fatigue

Grandiose delusions, inflated sense of self-importance

Excessive irritability, aggressive behavior

Increased physical and mental activity

Racing speech, flight of ideas, impulsiveness

Poor judgment, easily distracted

Reckless behavior such as spending sprees, rash business decisions, erratic driving, sexual indiscretions*

In the most severe cases, hallucinations*

Anyone experiencing four or more of the above symptoms of either or both depression or mania should seek help if symptoms persist for longer than two weeks. *Seek Help Now

January 20, 2004

US Wants World To Stay Fat 

It is estimated that 300m people world-wide are obese, and 750m are overweight.

Why is it that the lobbies have so much damn power in the US and the people do nothing about it?

New Laptop 

I bought a new laptop, hp Pavilion zd 7000. It has a 17inch screen and 1 GB of RAM! I am very happy with it so far. I have spent the day installing software and copying CD’s onto the HD so I don’t have to carry them around with me. It was a Best Buy purchase….. Hope it doesn’t burn up. Now I just need to find a functional case that is big enough for it.

Never Change Your Jeans 

River Island, Brent Cross Mall, London, UK September 2002, with the help of my fashion consultant I bought one pair of “dirty Jeans” I have worn them EVERY DAY since then (minus a brief stint of two months in a war zone).

These are m favorite jeans; I will probably never find anything close to them again. The knee’s are about to give out I can feel it.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I am not a shopper and don’t have the self confidence in fashion to pick out my own jeans. I am alone in this world with no hope of fashion reconciliation until I meet my consultant again.

Family Culture 

Family should be like the Mafia. At the very least, you and your siblings should allow nothing to come between you. Not even your parents. The most powerful force on earth are siblings who can work together. Not much is beyond their ability, if they have a solid foundation of humble grace for each other, based in the idea that, no matter what you disagree about, the fact is your family and whatever the topic is that you disagree on the bond is more important.

If the Mafia like bond is adhered to you will have something more valuable than anything conceivable.

Things that endanger this bond:

Lack of communication when there is a perceived problem. Truth is key.
Religion, and religious beliefs
Politics (a brother of religion in many cases)
Romance endeavored
Parents death
I am here, because I am here
If every man and woman were to take the meaning of their life and pursue it passionately, they would alter the social landscape overnight. In fact, that's how lasting revolutions are made--not by the raised arm of the masses, not by the military seizure of power, not by the political coup d'etat, but by individuals asserting who they are one at a time. -Bode-

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